are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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