The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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