Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have fence marks all over my body
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
