A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize