my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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