Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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