This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The air taste purple.
Randomize
