And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
