so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
