thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i drank out of a bidet.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
