So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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