you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
i think im in europe. pls send help
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
