how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I party with great urgency now.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
