My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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