My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
