I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
