I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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