I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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