Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
