I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize