hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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