Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I have tasted many bathrooms
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize