I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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