im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
