Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
