Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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