Already got asked if we're dating
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
vagina is talking i cant
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
