In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
