pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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