I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
