i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
