Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
