North Korea, Best Korea!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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