This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Randomize
