just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
