My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
