Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
