Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
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