If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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