First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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