I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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