"it" just moved
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Is Oprah even human
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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