Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize