ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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