I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
