This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
