Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
