i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize