i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
