i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
