Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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