This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
only you would photoshop your dick
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
