maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
