You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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