Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
