Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize