Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
