Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
