i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
