Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
