Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
