whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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