hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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