He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
