We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
