She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
