i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
