I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
