I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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