I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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