that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
