Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
