I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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