you guys were way drunker than both of me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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